All joy and no fun.

For many, raising children is the defining purpose in life. Done correctly, raising a child can be one of life’s most rewarding experiences. But loving one’s children and loving parenting are not the same thing.

The rest of the story.

Unless you have actually raised a child, you cannot imagine the degree of commitment it takes to be successful at it (babysitting doesn’t count). Parenting is incredibly hard and learning how to raise a child is like learning to do your taxes—you really don’t think about it until you know that you have to (inertia trap*). Then you pay attention!

Baby gurus know this and make beaucoup bucks selling “what to expect during parenthood” books and CDs to expectant parents. The problem is these rulebooks never tell the whole story about the challenges faced by today’s young parents. Here are a few of the things they don’t tell you about.

Your lifestyle ist kaput!

Once baby makes her debut, the days of wine and roses become the days of whine and rashes. Romance? Not a chance; the privacy you once enjoyed is now ancient history. Dinner for two becomes supper for three! Getaways to Cancun and Vail are now vacations at Sea World and Disneyland. You’ll feel increasingly isolated from friends and family members who are single or childless, many of whom do not understand how much extra work, time, and stress is involved in raising a child.

Totally s-t-r-e-s-s-e-d.

You cannot believe how little time you will have. For moms especially, there is no way to begin to measure the hidden costs of loss of sleep, sanity, and solitude (new mothers lose an average of 700 hours of sleep the first year). How do you account for having to feed a newborn every two hours, or getting up at 3 a.m. to do a load of laundry with more vomit on it than a frat house floor? Life becomes measured in minutes and seconds, such as “If his nap lasts another 10 minutes, maybe I can get in and out of the shower.” You cannot walk away from your obligations because they are now inconvenient.

It is no surprise that 7 out of 10 of today’s married mothers say they crave more time for themselves (as do almost 6 out of 10 married fathers). As a result of the stress, marital stability and satisfaction drops 70 percent due to role conflicts and restrictions on freedom. According to Changing Rhythms of American Family Life (2006), compiled by sociologist Suzanne Bianchi and colleagues, husbands and wives spent less than 10 percent of their home time alone together. And do you think they were saying, “Gee honey, you look lovely. Let’s pick up on that fascinating conversation we were having earlier . . .” Nope. They were exhausted and staring at the television.

Financially fracked.

If you are living a lifestyle before children that is tight financially, however, count on that changing dramatically once junior squirts out. For instance, think of the cost to go to a movie when you are also paying for a babysitter. The “new” economy has forced many young parents to work double shifts or alternate work schedules in order to save on childcare expenses. Finding a job with a schedule flexible enough to let you meet family responsibilities is a problem cited by about one half of mothers. Finally, your need for time off may cause your job performance to suffer, causing important career options to evaporate faster than water droplets on a hot griddle.

Do not wait until you are financially ready because you never will be. The most important question is: “Are you ready to devote yourself to raising a child?” If the answer is “Yes,” your life will never be the same.

* Questionable beliefs can “trap” our better judgment, leading to poor decisions and unintended consequences. In the inertia trap, we prefer to avoid having to change our way of doing things, or if they absolutely must be altered, that things change as little as possible. Learn more about this, and other traps, in the Young Person’s Guide to Wisdom, Power, and Life Success.

Image credit: Happy young father napping with baby son” by Wavebreak Media Ltd, licensed from 123rf.com (2015).