Livin’ on love.

For better or for worse, your spouse or significant other will likely affect almost every aspect of your life. Failing to think seriously when making this important life-choice can put your future happiness at risk.

♫ I got the wedding bell blues ♫

Marriage is more than a romantic union. If you leap into it, you’ll definitely increase the risk that unexpected consequences will electrify your relationship! When it comes to love, trap thinking can trump mature judgment and common sense. Here are a few doozies:

• Pressure: Psychological squeeze from friends, family, society, or yourself (inertia trap*).
• Avoid growing up:  I want to be “taken care of” (surprisingly, this is gender independent).
• The great escape: Once I get away from the parentals’ clutches, I will be an adult.
• Ease loneliness: I have a need for somebody. Hello? Anybody? Are you out there?
• Fantabulous sex: Poker is always a hit with the guys (self-control trap*).
• Klingon: My life will never be fulfilled unless I am with fill-in-the-blank.
• Money: I pray for a sugar-daddy that will last and last.
• Immigration: You just hit the jackpot!
• Pregnancy: Oops . . .

Most of the reasons cited above have a high probability of producing a sour lemon instead of a lasting marriage. Even marrying for money can be tricky to maintain over the long‑haul, unless you manage to secure a meaty prenuptial before you beach that tuna or you win the Oscar for best actor or actress.

What women already know.

A report in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences (2007) found humans are similar to most other mammals in that they follow Darwin’s principle of choosy females and competitive males. In an experiment to determine the most important qualities in a mate, the men appeared to base their decisions principally on the woman’s physical attractiveness, regardless of their stated preferences. Much more discriminating, the women adjusted their expectations to select the more desirable guys. Despite what they say, the study found, most guys go for looks, confirming what women already know.

REALITY CHECK! NeXter guys: one day your Princess Precious may morph into a nagging dugong with more wrinkles than a raisin. NeXter gals: your stud puppet may eventually sport a thinning thatch and lose the battle of the bulge. Sir Isaac Newton brilliantly formulated this phenomenon as his Universal Law of Gravitation:

R = G A W
(Reality = Gravity Always Wins).

Increase your chances.

Find a spouse who is also your best friend. In other words, someone you don’t have to change. A paper published by the National Bureau of Economic Research (2014) found that those who consider their spouse or partner to be their best friend get about twice as much life satisfaction from marriage as others.

Likes last. Similar people tend to marry each other. Nowadays, women have much more choices than before, and successful men are more likely to marry successful women. Educated, higher-income couples typically enjoy more stable marriages; remaining unmarried and divorcing are more common among less-educated, lower-income people. Looking for a winning combo? Stay in school!

Talk about money before tying the knot. Money and matrimony remain a very incendiary combination. Why? At a deep emotional level, money is about power, control, freedom, success, security, acceptance, status, and love (see: Marry a millionaire!). Couples don’t like to talk about it before they say, “I do” because they feel it undermines romance and trust. This is a huge mistake.

* Questionable beliefs can “trap” our better judgment, leading to poor decisions and unintended consequences. In the inertia trap, we may be overly influenced by others, including ourselves. In the self-control trap, we tend to sacrifice our long-term interests for short-term rewards and pleasures. Learn more about this, and other traps, in the Young Person’s Guide to Wisdom, Power, and Life Success.

Image credit: “Couple in love hug in forest” by Tono Balaguer, licensed from 123rf.com (2015).