I want it hot, fast, and NOW!

Instead of responsible spending and living within a budget, we often focus on acquiring the material accouterments associated with success. But desire for instant gratification and the denial of long-term consequences may be ruining your future.

Impulsive as chimps.

In deciding about the distant future, we’re as rational as lawyers. In the near-term, however, the prospect of a better retirement just doesn’t have the same emotional wallop as a new pair of shoes today. The reflexive system wins every time (self-control trap*). Having trouble resisting instant gratification and carrying out our intentions is part of the human condition.

One mallow or two?

In what is referred to as The Marshmallow Experiment, Stanford psychologist Walter Mischel researched the ability to delay gratification and exert self-control in the face of strong and emotional temptations. In his study, he placed marshmallows in front of hungry four-year-old children. He told them they could have one marshmallow now, or if they could wait several minutes, they could have two. Some kids quickly grabbed the treat. Some lasted a few minutes before succumbing. Still others were determined to wait, covering their eyes or singing in order to cope.

Mischel followed the group and years later found that the “grabbers” suffered low self-esteem. Teachers and parents saw them as stubborn, easily frustrated, and prone to envy. In contrast, the “copers” were found to be more socially competent, optimistic, self-assertive, dependable, and trustworthy. They also scored about 210 points higher on their SATs, got into better colleges, and had, on average, better adult outcomes. What does this suggest? A key factor for long-term success is not merely hard work or superior intelligence, but the ability to delay gratification.

Smores made me do it.

Success usually comes down to being disciplined and taking action instead of being distracted and doing what’s easy. For adults and kids, self-control and the ability to delay gratification is like a muscle; you can choose to flex it or not. The important question is how can you control yourself in ways that make your life better? Here are some tips to help you become a more mature decider:

• Self-commit. Making a positive self-commitment can be of value when your long term intent and your short-term actions diverge. Think of what is really important to achieving your plan. Sharing with a trusted adult can help you resolve conflicts, adjust deadlines, and reinforce your determination.
• Chillax dude. During periods of stress, we focus more on the present than on the past or the future. This exacerbates our desire for immediate gratification. Conversely, we tend to be more future-oriented if we have experienced positive events in our immediate past. Concentrate on and mentally rehearse an upcoming positive life change.
• Develop “long-view” habits.  Bolster your resistance to temptation by thinking about the goal you want to obtain and why the immediate option could be harmful in the long-run. Pausing to think “why” versus “how” at the moment of decision can significantly increase self-control and help you make the right choice.

Members of the “microwave” generation, you want everything hot, fast, and NOW! Here’s some tribal elder advice: to avoid temptation, stay away from the mall when you’re bored. Your future self will congratulate you on your wisdom!!

* Questionable beliefs can “trap” our better judgment, leading to poor decisions and unintended consequences. In the self-control trap, we often sacrifice our long-term self-interests in favor of immediately gratifying our current emotional desires. Learn more about this, and other traps, in the Young Person’s Guide to Wisdom, Power, and Life Success.

Image credit: “Portrait of beautiful young woman holding white marshmallow” by gorosi, licensed from 123rf.com (2016).