The share of young adults who have never said “I do” is at an historic high. For many, marriage looks increasingly unattainable. The reason more women than ever are responding, “Thanks, but no thanks” may surprise you.
I do (not).
According to an American Family Survey (2015), NeXters still view marriage as an important social institution. A Gallup survey in 2013 also found that the vast majority of never-married young people say they aspire to get married someday. Despite their long-term expectations, however, less than half of those ages 18-34 are likely to be married versus 50 years ago.
Adults are marrying later in life—the median age at first marriage today is 29 for men and 27 for women, up from 23 and 20 respectively in 1960. Also, the shares of adults cohabiting and raising children outside of marriage have increased significantly—about a quarter of never-married young adults are living with a partner. The reasons for this connubial decline vary, reports Pew Research Center (2014). Many feel that waiting will create a wiser, more mature marriage.
No esposo? No problemo!
Yet, there’s another subtle but profound societal factor. Increasingly, women are commanding more power and choice in their personal and professional lives. More than 7 out of 10 women ages 25 to 54 are working today, up from about half of such women 30 years ago. Studies (and common sense) suggest that the greater a woman’s education level and earning potential, the less she needs to rely on a man.
Wake up dudes. This is precisely what’s happening. The number of women enrolled in college today exceeds the number of men. In 2016–2017, the National Center for Education Statistics projects women will earn 64% of Associate’s degrees, 60% of Bachelor’s degrees, 63% of Master’s degrees, and 56% of Doctorates. You’ve come a long way baby!
College-educated women live in a social world where the men in their lives enjoy a stable and comparatively high income (in a third of married households, the woman is the bigger breadwinner). Well-educated men also embrace a more egalitarian approach to child rearing and housework than do their less-educated peers. These qualities, and the bennies from pooling two high incomes, make waiting for the right tuna an attractive choice for savvy women.
No woman, no pride.
In part, this may be programmed behavior. Humans are similar to most other mammals in that they follow Darwin’s principle of choosy females and competitive males (see: Livin’ on love). In an experiment to determine the most important qualities in a mate, women were found to be much more discriminating in selecting the more desirable guys. They sought out the men they thought best demonstrated long-term potential. The study also confirmed that, despite what they say, most guys go for the looks.
This illustrates why today’s “marriage market” is especially grim for poorly-educated men. A second Pew Research (2014) study found that 78% of women who have never been married say it is “very important” that their future spouse has a steady job. But poorly-educated men have difficulty finding work. As a result, many women with limited education have turned their sights on “marrying up,” that is choosing men who may be older, more established, and more educated. Among young men with a high school certificate or less, the pool of women in their social circles—those without college degrees—has shrunk.
It’s a mistake to think of this as just happening to the underclass at the bottom, say sociologists. It is also happening to people with high school diplomas or even some college. The message for young studs everywhere: Want the girl? Stay in school!
Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.
~ Charlotte Whitton, former Mayor, Ottawa Canada
* Questionable beliefs can “trap” our better judgment, leading to poor decisions and unintended consequences. In the superiority trap, we often exaggerate the extent of our knowledge, ability, or importance. Learn more about this, and other interesting topics, in the Young Person’s Guide to Wisdom, Power, and Life Success.
Image credit: “On future social networks” by alphaspirit, licensed from 123rf.com (2018).
